If I Perish, I Perish

Written by Julie Hayden

May 1, 2018

For the last few days, I’ve had a gnawing.  A nagging.  A never leaving thought.  I go to bed with the thought.  I wake up with the thought.

I was leaving an amazing prayer meeting Friday night.  We had just had a great time in prayer.  I’d spent over three hours in prayer that day, praying with my brothers and sisters.  I was prayed up!  I was encouraged.  And then the questions started on the car ride home…..

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

Is it worth the early mornings every day? Is it worth the burden?  Is it worth the heartache?  Is it worth the loneliness?  Is it worth the daily sacrifices? Is it worth the strain? Is it worth the time?

Before you even think it, this was not the voice of the accuser asking me.  It was the voice of my Friend, my Savior.  It was a gentle whisper that would rock my world.

Now I know the correct answer.  But God wasn’t asking me for a pat answer.  He doesn’t want my cursory “YES!”.  He wants my buy-in.  Fully.  Completely.  Wholly.

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

What if I don’t get the answers I want from God.  “Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

What about when it costs me relationships?  When it costs me time?  When it costs me sleep?

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

When it costs me good things? When it costs me promotions or pay?  When it costs me dreams?  What about when it costs me deep down desires and longings?

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

What if no one goes with me?  What if I walk this path alone?

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

What if it isn’t about me but just for others, even those I will never know?  Or what if it is for those I don’t even like?

“Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”

Esther was faced with this dilemna.  It could cost her her very life!  At first she was content living in the palace.  Thinking the question was just for someone else.

Mordecai appealed to her again: “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish.  And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”  (Esther 4:14)

Esther weighed the cost.  “Is it worth it?  Is God worth it?”  And then she prepared.

In vs. 16 she calls the people to fast three days.  She prepares to do something very untraditional. Something very costly to her personally.   Taking her very life in her hands she will approach the King.  “If I perish, I perish.”

Can we echo Esther’s cry?  If I perish, I perish.

If my dreams perish, they perish.

If I am alone, I will still go.

If I never see my prayers answered, like Abraham, I will die in faith.

If I lose friends, I will praise the Lord to suffer for His name.

If I lose sleep, I will rejoice that I was counted faithful to be woken up and serve.

If I lay down my most precious possessions, I will know that God is worth it!

He is worth it all.  Every sacrifice.  Every joy.  Every prayer.  Everything!

Take a few minutes and ponder the question. Don’t just jump in with your “yes”.  Know what you are saying yes to.  Wrestle with God.  Fast and pray.  Prepare yourself to meet with your King.

Can you echo Esther’s cry:  If I perish, I perish?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhGGZWR8akI&w=560&h=315]






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